My teen is being bullied: how can I help them get through it?
Seeing your teen go through bullying is heartbreaking… and it’s easy to feel powerless. Still, there are simple, concrete actions you can take to help them feel safe and rebuild their confidence.
To remember
👉 Stay calm, clarify what happened, and clearly state that bullying is never acceptable, even if your teen downplays it or makes excuses.
👉 Set clear limits and consistent consequences, then help your teen learn healthier alternatives, while working with the school and seeking professional support if needed.
Recognize the signs, even when your teen doesn’t talk about it
A teen who is being bullied doesn’t always speak up. They may fear consequences, feel ashamed, or believe no one can help.
However, certain changes in their behavior should catch your attention: a drop in motivation for school or refusing to go, isolation, sadness or irritability, sleep problems, frequent physical complaints (“I don’t feel well”), falling grades, more secrecy, injuries, or lost/stolen items…
These signs don’t automatically prove it’s bullying, but they deserve gentle, open attention.
Welcome what they say without judging
If your teen opens up—or if you suspect something—your reaction can make all the difference.
The most important thing is to stay calm and listen: let your teen talk at their own pace, without interrupting or telling them what they “should have done.” Instead, help them describe what happened and name their emotions: fear, humiliation, anger, sadness…
Avoid minimizing (“it’s not that bad”) or overreacting (“I’m going to go deal with this myself”), because your teen may shut down. Remind them they did the right thing by talking about it, that it’s not their fault, and that they deserve respect and safety.
Act together: build a plan, not revenge
Once their emotions have been heard, you can look for solutions together. Ask what they’ve already tried, what would help them feel more in control, and whether there are specific times or places where the bullying happens more. The goal is to help them regain a sense of power, without encouraging revenge or responding with violence (even if the urge to “defend yourself” feels strong).
Sometimes, simple strategies can improve the situation: staying close to trusted friends, avoiding certain areas, moving around in a group, or walking away quickly if things escalate.
You can also practice at home a more confident posture and non-aggressive responses, so your teen feels better prepared
Involve the school and ask for clear follow-up
Bullying shouldn’t be handled alone: school plays a key role. Encourage your teen to speak with a trusted adult (a teacher, support worker, principal), and contact the school yourself to report what’s happening. The important thing is to work as a team and ask for a concrete action plan, with follow-up.
Avoid trying to resolve the situation directly with the bully or their parents: it can sometimes make tensions worse. If the school’s response doesn’t satisfy you, you can reach out to the school service center and the student ombudsperson. And if you believe your teen’s safety is truly at risk or if it involves a criminal act (threats, extortion, assault, severe harassment), you can contact the police—this is a legitimate option.
Build their confidence and break isolation (the real long-term “shield”)
Bullying can damage self-esteem. To help your teen rebuild, encourage anything that strengthens a sense of competence and belonging: sports or arts activities, clubs, projects, volunteering, and spending time with supportive friends. It helps them remember they are worth more than what they are going through.
Also show them you still see their strengths and qualities, even when they can’t. Finally, stay attentive in the following weeks: bullying can leave traces of anxiety or sadness. If your teen seems deeply affected (strong withdrawal, dark thoughts, constant fear, major mood changes), don’t hesitate to seek help from a professional (local health services, psychologist, Tel-jeunes).
💡To remember: your teen doesn’t have to go through this alone. By listening, acting together, and involving the right adults around them, you help them regain a sense of safety—and take back their place.
