How to resolve a conflict between friends?
From time to time, you may have conflicts with your friends due to different ideas, visions, or tastes. Here are some things you can do to resolve big and small disagreements.
To remember
👉 It's always better to try and find a solution, but you can also redefine the relationship if the conflict is too significant.
👉 Differences are OK: we can still get along!
Talk and listen
Take the time to talk with your friend and understand his/her point of view. If it’s a minor misunderstanding, you’ll surely find a solution together. However, if it’s a major disagreement, you may have to assess how important the relationship is to you and whether you’re ready to make an effort to keep it going.
Describe the problem
Right from the start, identify the situation that’s causing a problem and that you want to change, then express what you feel: “I prefer people to talk to me quietly and not shout.” Together with your friend, find out what can be changed so that your relationship remains healthy and respectful.
Commit yourself
Get involved in resolving the conflict. Show that you are open and interested in learning about your friend’s position, and that you want to cooperate with him/her in your search for solutions and reconciliation.
Speak using “I”
Throughout the discussion, talk about yourself and what you’re feeling using “I,” without accusing or judging the other person. Respect attracts respect. Your friend will react a lot better if you say, “I find that hard to believe,” rather than, “You’re a liar”!
💡Read our article: How to react if you feel rejected by one or more friends
Name your emotions and acknowledge what you did wrong
Right from the start, identify the problematic situation and what you would like to change, then express what you feel: I prefer to be spoken to gently rather than shouted at. See with your friend what can be changed so that your relationship remains healthy and respectful. Tell the other person how you feel about this issue: anger, sadness, disappointment…
Acknowledge your wrongs to resolve the conflict
In a conflict, it's never solely one person's fault. Admitting your wrongs will encourage the other person to listen to you.
Assess solutions
Analyze them together. Are they realistic? Are you both satisfied with them? Which one is the best for solving the problem? Then reach an agreement and commit to respect it.
Reassess the situation
After some time has gone by, check to see if the agreement has been respected and the problem is solved. Take stock carefully. If the chosen solution didn't work, try another one.
Red alert!
Warning! If you’re scared of the other person, you feel manipulated, or you’re experiencing violence, harassment, or bullying, the situation has to stop! Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Your teachers, parents, or Tel-jeunes can help you.
💡Read our article about toxic friendships.
I don’t like something my friend is doing. How can I tell him/her?
Over time, friendships develop: we discover the other person’s faults, and our own needs and interests change. Sometimes the difference makes things better. Other times, it causes a conflict with our values.
Ask yourself if you want to keep this friendship, despite what you’ve found out about your friend. If yes, identify exactly what you don’t like and talk to your friend about it. Calmly tell him/her what you feel and listen to what he/she has to say. Find solutions together so you can both feel more comfortable in this relationship.
I'm not like my friends, is that normal?
Being different from your friends isn’t necessarily a problem. Everyone is unique. We can get on very well with people who are different from us and like them the way they are. Sometimes the differences stimulate us. They show us other ways of doing things and looking at life.
