Am I ready to have sex for the first time?
Having sex for the first time is a big life event. How do you know if you’re ready? What questions should you ask yourself before having sex? Above all, how do you know if a particular moment is not ideal for your first time? Find the answers in the article below.
To remember
👉 Trust and communication between partners are important.
👉 If you feel it's not the right time, you're probably right: you should never force yourself.
👉 Sex is not a test: there's no need to be "good", and no one is judging you.
I’m not sure if I’m 100% ready, should I wait or is it normal to not be completely sure and do it anyway?
It’s preferable but not mandatory to be 100% sure about wanting to have sexual intercourse with someone in order to do it. Some people may be hesitant and it’s okay to allow yourself to try it. What is most important is to keep the other person informed about how you are feeling, experiment but give yourself the right to stop if you’re no longer comfortable, be able to trust that the other person will check you’re OK along the way, and stop if it’s not working for you.
Some things to think about
Do you want to explore your sexuality with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Do you trust your current partner?
Do you feel that he/she respects you?
Do you want to share this kind of intimacy with him/her?
Are you comfortable enough to talk about it with your partner?
Are you really doing it for yourself, and not to please your partner or because you feel pressured?
Do you know about contraceptives and protection against STBBIs?
Have you chosen one? Do you have it on you?
Have you made your decision with a clear head, without drugs or alcohol clouding your judgment?
If you answer YES to all these questions, you may be ready!
Now is the time to imagine the experience of your dreams: the time, the place, the mood, etc. Talk about it with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Why not organize this first time together?
When the big day comes, remember that there’s no rush. Take your time, go at your own speed, and pay attention to your partner. You can start with foreplay: kissing, stroking, sweet talk, massage, etc. You can also tell your partner what you want and what embarrasses you, what you like and what you don’t like, activities you feel comfortable or uncomfortable with. Give yourself the right to discover and learn. Remember that you can stop at any time if you no longer feel ready!
Signs that this isn’t the right time
Do you feel like you’re ready to make love, you want to, but something’s bugging you or making you hold back? Then this may not be the best time to have this experience!
Here are some situations indicating that this may not be the right time:
You’re being harassed, blackmailed, threatened, or pressured
You don’t feel respected in the relationship or the current situation
You don’t feel comfortable or trusting with the other person
You’re not sure you want to have your first sex with your current partner
The only reason you want to make love is to please the other person
You want to have sex because you’re fed up or embarrassed about being a virgin
You feel that the other person’s being pushy
You’re putting pressure on yourself
You’ve consumed alcohol or drugs
You know your partner wants to try a sexual activity that you’re not comfortable with
You don’t want to any more
🚨You should never feel obligated to make love. If you feel that this isn’t the right time, you’re probably right. Trust yourself!
How do I know if this is the right person?
To know this, you can ask yourself 2 very important questions. First, do you want to have this physical experience with this person? Second, do you trust him/her? You need to be ready to talk to the other person about your doubts, wishes, expectations… in short, your intimate life. Does your partner know how to listen to you, give you confidence, and reassure you?
Sexuality is an experience, a process, a kind of learning. It’s as if you were going on a trip with the other person: Do you trust that person enough to set out alone with him/her? Do you have compatible interests and desires? Of course, your desires and needs may be different at times. It’s impossible to always agree about everything, but there has to be some common ground!
Help! I’m scared I won’t know what to do!
In the beginning, everyone has fears or worries. No matter how much experience your partner has, remember that for him/her it’s also the first time… with you! After all, every person is different, with their own desires, drives, and limits. So it’s important to talk together about what you know and what you want.
Sex isn’t an exam! Nobody’s grading you – you don’t need to be “good”! Now is the time to explore! Give yourself time to learn more about your partner and yourself. Go slowly and remember there’s no one technique, since everybody’s different. If you feel comfortable about it, ask your friends and other people questions to help prepare yourself.
