Lots of teens start wondering about their sexual orientations and it is absolutely normal to do so. After all, when you’re a teenager, you are discovering and experiencing a lot of different things that can begin to reveal your sexual and romantic orientation. But remember, it is totally fine if you need more time to keep exploring, or if you just don’t want to label yourself right away, or ever! Your sexual fantasies, the attraction you feel towards certain people, and the things you’ve experienced (or want to experience) can all give you clues about your sexual orientation, but your identity isn’t exclusively based on those things. For some people, their sexual orientation is pretty stable and obvious. For others, their attraction can grow and change over time. At the end of the day, you’re the one who decides the identity you’re most comfortable with.

Is it true that you can’t know your identity unless you’ve been with someone?

Your experiences can definitely help you figure out your attraction, but they don’t necessarily define your sexual orientation. For example, you can identify as bisexual even if you haven’t been with someone of the same sex. After all, straight people don’t have to be with someone of the opposite sex to know that they’re straight! Exploring is healthy, but not mandatory.

I’ve never been attracted to anyone. Is that normal?

Definitely! It can seem like everyone in the world has had a crush or fallen in love before, but there’s no good or bad time to start feeling attracted to people. It happens early for some, and later for others. It’s possible that you just haven’t met the right person yet, or that you’re simply not at that point in your life. And of course, some people never experience attraction at all, or only experience very occasionally.